They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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