apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
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