Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
