i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
