Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
