dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
