I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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