when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
