Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
