yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
