and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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