she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
