I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
