i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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