is your mom at the bar?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
