I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
