I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
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