somebody snuck up and got me drunk
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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