Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
