When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize
