She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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