I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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