i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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