Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
