Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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