Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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