someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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