I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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