I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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