It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
