I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
