At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
