sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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