And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Randomize
