can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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