M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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