# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
