it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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