yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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