i just wanna soil my oats bro
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Randomize
