I'm gonna have a badass scar
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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