You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
