I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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