I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
