____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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