Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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