i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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