i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
