My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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