i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Two words: blizzard sex
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
