Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
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