Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
