I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
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There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
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I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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