i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
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There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
that is very illegal...i love you.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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