Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
