dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
