the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
