Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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