My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
