I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
In other news, I just burned my penis
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
