long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
