what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
