Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
