Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
