peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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