If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
