woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
